What intentional decisions did you make as an author?
While writing “That Voice” I had to make many decisions that, hopefully, improved the quality of the piece. In my first draft, I started with the scene when the main character has a confrontation with the teacher, but in my revisions, I decided to use that scene as a flashback and start the story with a short phrase that would reappear later in a key way. I think this creates a subtle “Again & Again.” The revised lead also allowed me to use more precise words for a stronger effect (see underlined sections below) That voice. Even with the music from his favorite band, Screaming Rhinos, blasting through the speakers, he couldn’t erase that nagging, condescending voice from his mind. J.D. sat in the Baltimore rush-hour traffic, realizing that he now had one more reason to despise her. I also made significant changes in the revision process when I deleted the detention scene. As I re-read it, I realized that it did not add or reveal any new information about the characters or the plot, and quite honestly, it was boring. By deleting that, I could improve the pace of my story and keep the reader’s interest. What were you most proud of in your piece and what do you still feel needed more work? I am most proud of the scene where JD first sees this new singer and slowly realizes where he has heard that voice before. I think I have strong word choice and like the way I varied my sentences. I especially like the sentence that has an interrupting phrase describing how the singer is dressed. I have underlined some of the precise words that bring this section of the story to life for the reader. Smoke billowed onto the stage and the strobe lights flashed. Through the haze, J.D. could make out a drummer, lead guitarist, and bass guitarist. Suddenly, the lead singer burst onto the stage. J.D. stared as the lead singer, dressed in leather pants and a glittering silver tank top grabbed the microphone and started belting out a song. J.D. could make out a tattoo on her left arm. But what made the singer so stunning was her long red hair that curled in waves down around her shoulders. I feel that I still need to work on some of my dialogue to make it more realistic. The teacher’s dialogue was effective, but JD needs to sound more like a teenager. “Long story. Let’s just say I had to have a little chat with the English teacher who dresses like my grandma, even though she’s half her age. That old witch Stevens hates me. I can tell by the way she glares at me through her nerdy glasses.” Although I was trying to use this dialogue to reveal a little more about the teacher’s personality, I don’t think any teenager would talk like this. How might the skills and understandings gained from this piece of writing help you moving forward? After writing this story, I realize how important it is to create a believable character. Using a picture for inspiration and then answering the character questionnaire helped me to realize that what JD really wanted was his teacher’s acceptance, and what better way to get her acceptance than to realize that they actually had a lot in common. Just as he thought she misjudged him, he also misjudged her, and this helped to create a solid conflict for the story. I also realize that I have to be willing to delete scenes that do not add to my story. If I had kept the detention scene or even the scene about the rest of the concert after he recognizes his teacher, I would have bored my reader.
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Remember -- we are free to write the worst junk in America, as long as we keep looking for ways to make it less junky :) Archives
June 2018
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